The Christmas Letter

When I told my husband that I planned to start a blog he said he thought it was a little presumptuous of me to assume other people would want to read about our lives. I rolled my eyes at him. Then he told me he equates a blog to the Christmas letter that people send out, as it anyone cares what their family has done all year. I died laughing. Fast forward to last week. Jason and I got in the car, and he put a piece of sheet music in my hand, popped a CD in, and said, “Follow along, but don’t read ahead.” I start listening to this very bright, cheery, sing-songy Christmas music. Then it gets to the very dark, heavy chorus with lots of flats, and I don’t think I stopped laughing for the next 30 minutes. I wish I could download the song for you, but I think you can paint a pretty accurate picture of how it sounds in your head. (Sorry to any of you Christmas letter writers out there I may be offending!!)

“The Christmas Letter”

I love the sounds of caroler’s voices ringing in the air
And the sight of shoppers running to and fro.
I love to see the tinsel and the lights hung ev’rywhere
And a couple kissing ‘neath the mistletoe.

(Ladies) I love the sight of pretty presents underneath the tree
And the joy of cooking cake and pumpkin pies.
(Men) The joyous, glorious season really means so much to me,
But there is one Christmas thing that I despise:

CHORUS
The Christmas letter, that dreaded Christmas letter
It’s the one thing at Christmas I can’t take.
The Christmas letter, that dreaded Christmas letter
Reading one gives me a stomach ache.

Who cares who went to Greece last summer
Or who just bought himself a Hummer?
Such bragadocious boasting should be barred;
Next year, please, just a card!

When they write about themselves they always use first person nouns,
And they always start, “Dear friends and family.”
They overplay the ups they have and underplay the downs
Can I hear, “Amen!” for all those who agree? AMEN!

CHORUS

Who cares about your new promotion
Or that your house is on the ocean?
Such bragadocious boasting should be barred;
Next year, please just a card!

Who wants to hear about successes when our lives are in such messes?
Such bragadocious boasting should be barred
Next year, please, just a card!