No House

Today we, unfortunately, had to make the sad decision to back out of the contract on the house we had planned to buy. This decision was the result of the lady we chose to do our financing seriously misleading us about the type of loan she could give us. By the time she found out she could NOT do what she told us she could and raised the payment on our mortgage by $200 a month, we had to back out. We've been fighting this financing thing all week long and as Jason and I were discussing the situation and trying to make our final decision today, he made the point that this shouldn't be this hard. He felt like if it was this hard to make it work, it may not be the right thing. Of course, the rational side of me completely understands this and knows he is right, but the irrational side of me really just wants to be in a sulky, wallow-in-my-disappointment kind of mood. For me - and maybe I was putting too much emphasis on getting a house - finally getting into a house was going to bring some normalcy back to our lives. We were finally going to be able to get truly settled and into the swing of things. Now, I don't want anyone to think for one minute that we are not overwhelmingly grateful for the place we are staying right now. But, I miss my own bed. I miss my living room couch that I could curl up on and take Sunday afternoon naps on. I miss my own cooking utensils, baking sheets, casserole dishes. I miss my bathroom towels and my sheets. My baby misses her toys, misses her own room, misses her music, and all of the things she keeps remembering from our old house and asking for. I miss having a place to come home to every day that is mine. So, now, we are just waiting again ... and that frustrates me. I'm stuck right now between wanting so badly to make something happen but also wanting so badly to wait for the right time and the right situation to come along. I am struggling with being content with what I am blessed with right now, which has always been one of my downfalls. But, that whole subject is another post for another day.